He's gone again.

Mark left today. I'm not sure how I feel about it.... yet. I keep feeling like he's going to walk in any minute now and snuggle me, among other pleasant things, to sleep. But he's not. Another countdown begins; Thanksgiving becomes the next thing to look forward to.
Saying goodbye at the airport was different this time... there were no tears, just a tiredness in my heart. The airport goodbyes are such habit now that it becomes exhausting to think about the loneliness that will ensue. It was so matter-of-fact today, something that we had no control over so it wasn't worth making a fuss about. I don't believe that is any reflection of how we feel about each other; rather it simply shows how we feel about this long distance thing.

Two months ago I wrote that I was going to lose weight. I haven't. At ALL. I've got a ton of excuses, some of them actually legitimate, but mostly just nonsense. This gung-ho attitude followed by disappointment is my worst enemy... but this time around I felt disappointment from Mark, and it changed things a bit. Not just disappointment about the weight, but just a general disappointment in me. I'm not that sad about it, because he has all the right in the world to feel that way - It just changes things a bit. It forces me to think outside of myself in relation to my attitude and my appearance. I really need to make a change, a long term, slowly-but-surely change. Days seem to pass so slowly yet the months fly by. I don't understand where the time goes; why, in my quietest moments, it moves so slowly... yet when I blink my eyes it seems to have made up for that sluggishness by passing me by completely.

I'm not really sure how I feel right now. I have a fairly busy day tomorrow so all I really need to do is go to bed and get up at a decent hour.

My dogs are always affected whenever Mark leaves. They immediately notice the sudden availability of that side of the bed.

It's kinda nice to never have to sleep alone.