Tuesday, August 28, 2007

"Vanity keeps persons in favor with themselves who are out of favor with all others"

Someone who is more a business acquaintance than a friend asked me if I could drop her off at the hospital and pick up her up later because she was having surgery. The way she described it made it sound like she was fixing some medical condition, so I happily agreed. She didn't really want anyone else to know that she was having surgery, not even her son. RED FLAG. Whatever. Then she mentions that she is also having a laser peel at the same time... she's taking a week off of work so she might as well have a peel, right?
So of course, I googled "laser peel" so that I'd have an idea of what she was about to put herself through, and when I started telling her what to expect, she told me she didn't want to know. RED FLAG. And when I questioned her about the original procedure, she said she didn't really know and didn't really want to know. RED FLAG.

On the way to her appointment, she told me that upon picking her up, the nurses would probably insist that I stay with her for the first 24 hours... and just to tell them that I would. But not to worry, "just drop me off at home." umm... okay. Say it with me, folks: RED FLAG.

So four hours pass and I get the call from the nurse -- she's ready. I sit out front in the car and wait.

And there she is, this tiny framed woman with the largest head I have ever seen. She's wrapped up and her face looks like she spent the day with a boxing kangaroo. Pink and swollen and shiny from multiple layers of vaseline, she's dazed and she looks like hell. She's so puffy that she can't blink or move her face at all. She looks like an alien in a wheelchair.

I get her home and into bed, do all the things for her that she can't do for herself, help her take her pills and then go fetch more water from the kitchen. I come back to the room and she's snoring. Her eyes are open and she's snoring. Mrs. Tomato Head is sleeping with her eyes open. Later I find out from the pleasant woman on the phone that this is completely normal and that she's loaded with goop so that her eyes won't dry out. Lovely.

So now what? What do I do? I had no idea it would be so bad, I felt compelled to stay just in case she were to wake up disoriented and heaven forbid she trip and fall and land on her ballooning face... but I didn't sign up for this. I was her ride, not her nurse, and I'm not THAT close to this woman. I couldn't call anyone to stay with her because I couldn't think of anyone that would. It was... sad.

I went home, fought with myself for a while because even though she didn't inform me that I'd need to be her nurse, I'm still a human being and I help when I can. But she's an adult. She should have known what she was getting herself into. It was unfair to hold myself responsible for her well being.. right?

I didn't go back until this morning to take her to her post operative appointment, and she was fine. A little less swollen, but still unrecognizable. While she was in getting bandages changed, I asked a few questions and came to find out that she had just had herself a facelift.

A FACELIFT! And a very expensive one, at that.

I could have taken her out back and beat the living hell out of her and she'd look exactly the same, all for free.

So what bothers me is that she really didn't need it in the first place. She put herself in such a terrible condition for this cosmetic procedure that she really didn't need, just to have a slight difference afterwards? And I understand that she didn't want anyone to know about it, but at least be honest with the person that does know.


***Note to self: Do not pair a large bank account with low self esteem.

So i'll be doing the best I can to help her. I don't mind it as long as it isn't at my expense.. I'm using her car to run her errands and I am not going to stress myself out like I did yesterday.

Ah, to be beautiful.

Monday, August 27, 2007

If you are having a cosmetic procedure that leaves you incapacitated during your recovery, and you don't have anyone to take care of you... *perhaps* your wrinkles should not be your main concern.

i'll explain as soon as I can digest what happened today.

Hedgies

Go read this!
Orphaned hedgehogs adopt cleaning brush as their mother

Oh hedgies, how I love you.

Back to School

I've registered for a math class this semester. As much as I would love to sign up for a full schedule, I just can't. I've come to accept that I cannot be a full time student at this point in my life, and it isn't due to lack of commitment or motivation... it's because of a lot of little things that frankly irritate me beyond belief. Thinking about it just evokes this overwhelming feeling of hopelessness... yes, i am dramatic... but it's only because I really want and need to go to school, and I can feel my brain shrinking due to inactivity. I sleep on my back because I'm afraid to wake up to pieces of unused cerebral matter on my pillow.

I can't go to school full time because I have to make money. I have responsibilities that I didn't really ask for, but will be fortunate to have in the long term. Right now, they hinder things. And by "they", I mean my mortgage and the costs associated with owning a home.

My cost of living is high. I have to get a well paying job to survive. I have to work full time. I can't get a better job without education. I cannot go to school full time because I am working full time. I cannot get financial aid to compensate for the money I'd be out if I went to school full-time. I get less aid for going half-time. So my only choice is to hardly go to school at all, which is fine with me because I need to do something. So at this point, I hardly qualify for aid at all... just a waiver for my school fees. I'm thankful for this, but there's a lot of running around in order to get this waiver. Nothing in life is free. My class will not cost me money, but it will cost a lot of effort and time. I have to resubmit papers that I have already submitted, namely my parents' death certificates.
Now I know this is how the world works, sometimes you just have to be repetitive to be part of the system, the bureaucracy, etc etc deal with it already my darling this is the way it goes...
But I am bit tired of schlepping my parents' death certificates back and forth to the financial aid office, I'm tired of the hardly audible "aww" when I hand them to the clerk, and the way they look at my date of birth to try and make sense of the situation. I wouldn't mind all of this if their sympathy resulted in more financial aid... hell, I'll bring in a photo album and shed some tears if the could just help me go to school full time. I have no problem playing the orphan card because frankly, my father would encourage me to do it. It's not something that I can change, so I might as well get the best use out of it.

Before I go through all of this fee waiver stuff, I have to fill out the FAFSA. This is the federal aid application which I have memorized by now and gotten absolutely nothing from. It specifically asks if I am an orphan so that my parents' finances are omitted. It also qualifies me as an independent student... which works against me. In a nutshell, it basically tells me : "We have determined that you can spend 20% of your yearly income on school, and since your tuition is less than that, we aren't going to help you. You are a big girl now, roll with it and make it on your own, my dear."

So tonight I will go home, dig up the necessary paperwork, hopefully get my classes for free and ravenously start school again. In the end, I still feel fortunate that I have these facilities available to me, that I can become educated, even if getting there requires a melodramatic blog post and a bit of paper shuffling.

But the most important question remains:
What will I wear for my first day night of school??? omg omg


Thursday, August 23, 2007

You don't appreciate all things I do for you

I am a morning person when I wake up energized.

But... That's usually not the case.
My alarm goes off at the appropriate hour, giving me the perfect amount of time to calmly start my day and do everything I have to do before heading off to work.
Of course, after hitting the snooze 5 or 6 times and bargaining with myself - "if I take 5 more minutes of sleep, I'll take a really quick shower!" I end up not having enough time.
Today wasn't as bad. I managed to pack my lunch and get out the door right on time.... without my lunch. 2 minutes down the road I realized I had forgotten my afternoon salvation of a lunch and hurried back to retrieve it...

But the dogs had eaten it. THEY ATE IT. I WAS GONE FOR 2 MINUTES AND THEY ATE IT. I solemnly gazed outside to the backyard where the plastic bag that once contained my delicious lunch had been mercilessly ripped to pieces.

I returned to my car as I rambled on about my ungrateful dogs and how they are going to be banned to the backyard forever and how i am never going to talk to them again and how would they like it if they were late for work because I ate their lunch and how they are ruining my attempts at remaining sane in this world...

and then I smiled as I realized that I'd have to go buy some cheap, delicious tacos for lunch.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Thursday Thirteen

13 Jobs I've had in my life

1. Delivered food from Restaurants, dressed in a Tuxedo.
2. Sold CD's for a Peruvian Band and occassionally performed with them.
3. Manufactured and sold cutting boards
4. Math Tutor
5. Gave free samples of a skin healing cream and promptly convinced people to buy it
6. Mortage Loan Proccessor
7. Took care of an elderly woman
8. Receptionist at a dog groomer's... where getting peed on was part of the job
9. Accounts payable at Lawrence Welk's resort
10. Dressed up as a saloon girl and handed out poker chips at a fake old west town, for corporate parties
11. Front desk for a psychologist- I did a lot of medical billing as well as hooking people up to EEG machines and reading their brainwaves.
12. Cooked and served food at a Cinco De Mayo party where I was the only Mexican in a 3 mile radius.
13. Taught a water aerobics class for mostly old women (to disco music, no less)


So I'm applying for a part time job... because I'd just like to do something productive with my weekends. I realized as I was filling out apps that I've done a lot of stuff, mostly jobs that I didn't list on my employment history, because they were... well... silly. I'm sure I've forgotten some of the weirder ones, for good reason!

Anyway, I've been sleeping a lot lately, which may have to do with the fact that I'm eating once a day. Payday is tomorrow, so that will no longer be an issue. I've never been more excited to go grocery shopping in my life!

Future sister in law morphed my picture and hers with the caption of, "If you and Mark have a daughter, this is what she'd look like when she grows up." My opposition to having children just keeps getting strengthened... lol.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Morphthing.com


This site allows you to morph two people's faces together, and the results are... creepy yet fun.
It takes a bit to get your photos ready to morph, but it's worth it!

So here you have it: My offspring with Mark.


And then I just morphed my photo with people that I think are attractive.

Angelina
Carmen Electra
Tyra
Marilyn
And... Yoda



Anyway... if you do this, let me see it!!! :P

My First...

Sleepy eyed and rushed, I began my journey - once again, time was against me. There were no obstacles ahead of me, and I used this to my advantage; I hastened my pace in order to compensate for my lack of time. My stomach reminded me that I should have taken care of my hunger before departing, and my mind was adrift with thoughts of pancakes and eggs and bacon.

I became his target. The hunted.
Blue and Red Lights. He was agile and the chase was over almost before it started.
I alerted him of my surrender and pulled over.

THOSE MOTORCYCLE COPS COME OUT OF NOWHERE!

Today, I started my day with my first speeding ticket.

I'm not upset about it. I'm actually a bit amused.

The reason I got my ticket was not because I was speeding; it was because I was speeding and not paying attention. My reasoning is as follows:
  • I always speed.
  • I always am on the lookout for police when I do so.
  • I manage to spot them quickly and adjust and/or there is some schmuck near me going faster and they get pulled over instead.
  • I tend to think I am pretty darn lucky 90% of the time.

So he was brief about it, I acknowledged that I was speeding... it was a very pleasant exchange. He was totally nice... except for the whole "I'm still giving you a ticket" thing. And as I sat there and waited for my citation... I was laughing at myself. Maybe it's because it was so minor, because I have bigger fish to fry in my life right now... I don't know. He handed me my ticket and I actually said, "thank you!" in the most sincere and pleasant manner.

Who does that???? Who on earth thanks a cop for writing them a ticket??????


The whole thing was a bit reassuring... if he managed to get me, someone who is a considerate yet hurried driver... then the probability of him catching one of those maniac jackasses who cut people off and go waaaay too fast is pretty good, right? I hope my logic is correct.
So for now, I've slowed down a bit... and I'm watching out for the 5-0.

The best part?? My boss arrived at work 5 minutes after I did. Had I taken my time, I still would have arrived before her, albeit late.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

How Can I Tell You?

How can I tell you that I love you, I love you
but I can't think of right words to say
I long to tell you that I'm always thinking of you
I'm always thinking of you, but my words
just blow away, just blow away
It always ends up to one thing, honey
and I can't think of right words to say
Wherever I am girl, I'm always walking with you
I'm always walking with you, but I look and you're not there
Whoever I'm with, I'm always, always talking to you
I'm always talking to you, and I'm sad that
you can't hear, sad that you can't hear
It always ends up to one thing, honey,
when I look and you're not there
I need to know you, need to feel my arms around you
feel my arms around you, like a sea around a shore
and -- each night and day I pray, in hope
that I might find you, in hope that I might
find you, because heart's can do no more
It always ends up to one thing honey, still I kneel upon the floor
How can I tell you that I love you, I love you
but I can't think of right words to say
I long to tell you that I'm always thinking of you
I'm always thinking of you....
It always ends up to one thing honey
and I can't think of right words to say

Thursday, August 2, 2007

A Thumbs Up

So after our fantastic weekend, it was time to get Mark back to Utah. We had to get up at some ungodly hour in order to get him to the airport on time, with a little time to spare. We've He's missed enough flights in the past, so we don't even joke about being late anymore, even though there is a little brat inside of me that purposely wants to drive slow so that he won't leave me and go to Utah. ::insert hissy fit here::

It was about 6am, we were about halfway to the airport and we were deep in coversation. One of those, "I forgot I was driving" sort of conversations that can only take place on the road.
I don't really remember what we were talking about, but I was describing something and he was asking me my opinion on it... to which I replied with a big thumbs up.
I never give a thumbs up, so I'm sure he thought that was a little odd. But it wasn't until he noticed that I had my gazed fixed on something in front of the car that he looked over to see who the hell I was so intently giving a thumbs up to....