What's Wrong?

Mark left yesterday morning.

Someone needs to write a manual for me, entitled, How to survive a long distance relationship without wanting to stay in bed all day clutching a shirt that your love accidentally left behind that still retains their smell.

I know that i'll get through this, again, and that Mark will be back soon.
This knowledge does nothing for me. I'm really bummed out.

I spend a month falling even more in love with him, and then he has to go. So now I have to package away these feelings for another month or so; I have to get out of my in love state of mind and just grit my teeth and get through the time that he's not here.

I haven't talked to him since he left... a few text messages here and there, but no actual conversation on the phone. I just can't do it. Every time I think about him, my eyes well up with these pesky tears and I feel this obnoxious wrenching in my heart and in less than 30 seconds, I end up looking like a tomato. It's a terrible mess.

But in all seriousness, I'm tired. It's hard to ride this roller coaster of extreme emotions. I don't want to be sad anymore. I just want him to be here.... or anywhere with me. I don't like spending all my energy on myself; I don't like making dinner just for me or shopping for groceries that are just going to be consumed by me... or sleeping in a bed that only contains me. I can do it, but I just don't like it. ESPECIALLY because I'm lucky enough to have found someone that I'd like to do these things with for the rest of my life. I'm very fortunate... but why does it have to feel so terrible?

keep busy keep busy

I think I'll go on a Mother/Son hike with Diego tomorrow. I could definitely use the exercise.

As for now... I've got a shirt to sniff.